What ever happened to finesse?

Ok so lets keep it 1Hunnit...Swag is such an over used word now that it is pathetic. Its like an opinion, everyone NOW has swagger. NEWSFLASH! Most of y'all don't. Y'all just emulate what someone else does and call it your own. You probably wonder why I am bringing swag up when my expertise is sexuality right? Well whether you know it or not, this swag phenomenon extends to the bedroom and relationships as well. For some odd reason people equate swag with cockiness and in dealing with sexuality, that shit is lame because sex is as unselfish as you can get.

You are giving YOU to someone else. You not doing nobody a favor by giving them your dick or pussy- it’s a fair exchange. Don't get it twisted, I am not saying freelance the dick and puss- you are supposed to have a air of confidence in the bedroom. The thing that swag does is it cripples you sexually because you are still in character of this "person" you project yourself in the outside world to be. In the bedroom & in relationships you are supposed to be you- your authentic self. If you can't be you then who the hell are you? That is where finesse comes in. Finesse is being subtle and delicate in whatever it is you do. When you can finesse a person, you get a whole lot out of the sex, the relationship and the person. How do you think pimps have hoes??? (Ok ok…bad example but you get what I am saying. Lol.)

The point is that swag shit is going to get you a lot of headaches and attract all kind of "lesser beings" to you because they are there for the glitz and glam. Finesse taps you’re your authenticity- be and do you. God forbid you slip in the bedroom and your performance is lacking (shit it happens... to some lol)- there will be no understanding because your swag character probably talked all kinds of shit about how you were going to make their toes curl. When you are "swagged out" you aren't seducing anyone but yourself and you will have a lot of nights with trifling ill intentioned people in your bed or your pocket pussy or vibrator. Learn the art of seduction by oozing finesse- that is what people with substance are drawn too. Now if you want someone that lives in BET land and not the real world, go on ahead and "swag it out".

Mr. & Mrs. Right Now

Remember when we were kids and you would pass that little boy or girl a note that said: Do you like me? Check yes or no. If they checked no, that was your girlfriend/boyfriend and that was that. Why is it that some of y'all still have that mentality- you just like someone, they like you back so its like fuck it- we're an item!!! I hate to break it to you but its not that simple, we wish it was but it is not. If you geniuses haven't caught on yet to what I am talking about, I am talking about relationships.

Okay so I'm gonna keep it G-don't get into a relationship if you cannot handle the responsibility of a relationship. If you just want to shone a lil' bit (shone-whore) and you know deep down inside you ain't shit- don't drag someone else into your confusion. I don't believe there is somebody for everybody. I think that some people are meant to be single. I am a realist and I believe people can have a Mr. Right or Mrs. Right but lets be frank.... until you know who you are and you are done evolving as a person you will run into a whole lot of Mr. Right Nows and Mrs. Right Nows. If you are a person who is into the developement of self on various levels, this may be the part of life that may seem incomplete. The reason why is because the person you were last year, you aren't this year...hell the person you were 2 months ago you aren't today.

Why do we continue to lie to ourselves about what it is that we can offer someone at the point you are in, in your life? If all you can offer someone is dick and an occasional outing... let her know up front. If you are super focused on your career and have limited time, let dude know that he isn't a main priority but you need him there for companionship. IT'S REAL SIMPLE. And people walking around here saying they are the realest. The main attribute in being the realist is not lying to yourself. Once you stop that you can't lie to someone else, you don't want the aggrevation of maintaining the lie if you got some sense. So to avoid future heart ache look at everyone as Mr. or Mrs. Right Now because the chances that someone is going to evolve at the same pace as you is highly unlikely. Remember nothing that comes stays and nothing that goes is lost!

The Sensual Cipher: Men vs Women II

Bromance... What the hell?

Last night I was on urbandictionary.com searching for some words for the Kinky Expressions segment that I do at the end of my show and found the word BROMANCE. It is defined as a complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. Is it just me or is this a suspect cover up for a DL relationship? I saw it on the Tyra Show and I was sitting back like wtf? You had women on the show complaining that their boyfriend spends more time with their best friend than them. Plain and simple there ain't nothing straight about a man chosing to be with another male over his woman- sorry. Yeah I know sometimes you wanna hang with the fellas but damn ALL THE TIME?

If anyone watches The Boondocks, this whole bromance thing reminds me of Gangstalicious with that song "Homies Over Hoes"- what part of the game is that? I would love to blame bromance on guys just being young and childish but the fact that they have gave this crap a name is beyond me. Its like basically saying its ok to be cuddly with your homeboys.... what the hell? I just had to get this off my chest because it seems like its okay for women to be treated as if they are irrevelant and it seems like we are raising a nation of misognistic men who have no relevence for women at all outside of sexual pleasure and reproduction.

But hey.... who am I anyway?

Oh and if you have never seen "Homies over Hoes" here it is!

Is This The New Pick Up Line?????

"Can I Taste You?"

Ok so I really didn't want to go here, but men these days leave me no choice. Is it just me or is this "Can I taste you?" question scary as hell. Granted everyone for the most part like head- I know some people who don't love it, but they wouldn't oblige being served. My question is this...just because people like oral sex, that makes you think an offer of your head game will assure that they like you?

I want you guys to understand this is a phenomenon that is sweeping the US. What happened to "Hello, can I have a moment of your time?" Now its like "Girl you so fine I would suck you into a coma... let me get your number!" Can you say huh? NEWS FLASH!!!! Any woman that has some sense of class about herself would run from you in sheer terror! What message you send out is that you are walking around trying to "yum yum" every woman you think is attractive. That is so messy. What makes it worse is you walking around not only yum yumming women but you are doing it raw. Just slurpin' up all kinds of vaginal fluids and you know you didn't ask for her paperwork. Then your slow ass puts on a condom. Are you thinking???? That gonnorhea is in your stomach by your first stroke. Y'all better wake up! Go to the Adult Store and grab some dental damns and some warming lube... make sure it is water based. If you can't get to any dental dams you can use non microwavable Seran wrap, a condom (just cut the condom along the side and cut the tip off- wha lah a dental damn) or hell use a latex glove and cut it! That way you can give her the sensation of it being raw oral but you are protecting yourself. Oh and sorry... no tongue fucking! :-)

I would love to be arrogant and think that I am just that fly of a chick that I just get applications for "brain donors"all the time but I know I'm not the only one getting these pick up lines. This is bogus and unsanitary and I'm going to pray for y'all. Love yourself.... ask that heffa for some paperwork and if she got a issue with you using a dental dam, hit that bitch in the back of her head because she nasty. (Disclaimer: I said that in jest, I am not a proponent of violence but at the same time, I really mean that shit!) I am newly single and quite frankly I am scared. I think I am going to go shopping for a flashlight keychain and start giving oral examinations. Ya Dig???

Is Oral Sex Foreplay?

The ongoing debate between men and women

By Paige Diamond

Many times, people mistake what the meaning of foreplay really means. Foreplay is sexual stimulation prior to sex. What I have found is that when it comes to sex, men interpret the meaning of foreplay as oral sex or groping etc. Women interpret foreplay differently. The issue is plain and simple-men want to get to the actual act of sex right away and forget the importance of foreplay.

The average woman takes 25 to 30 minutes of foreplay to be aroused enough to become lubricated enough to have enjoyable and satisfying sex. The whole point of foreplay is the anticipation of where your mate will touch, lick, kiss, nipple- hell even bite next.

Many don’t realize that the light stroking or raking (using your nails and fingers along the surface of the skin) on the arm, thigh, neck, chest, hand or face means a lot more if a man comes up behind her while she's cooking or washing dishes than oral sex does. Or perhaps if he starts kissing the nape of her neck, washing of the hair, scrubbing the back and washing the breasts while in the shower. You would be amazed at how much a woman can be aroused by a sensual kiss on the hand for instance. Other types of touch that can be used as foreplay are kneading (whereas you handle the skin as if you’re kneading dough), percussion (light tapping of the skin with your hands) and even pinching. Massage can also be incorporated into foreplay.

Let me be clear- foreplay is something to be reciprocated. So don’t think ladies that you are the only ones who need foreplay. Men enjoy foreplay as well. Check out the article I’m In My Zone: Erogenous Zones- The Right Places to Tease, Touch and Suck for more insight on the places to stimulate on both men and women during foreplay.

In closing, oral sex is just that… oral sex. Just because most of the time you may give oral sex prior to having sex doesn’t qualify it to be foreplay. Be more vocal and get into the habit of letting your mate know what you want, where you want to be touched. Try whispering things you want them to do to you in their ear, while softly kissing the sides of their neck. Here’s a little secret… The greatest foreplay starts way before you even touch- try a little mindsex!