Pleasure Principle

As a "sex pert" (trust me, I was given that title....lol) I get a lot of emails from people of all walks of life asking me a lot about how to please their partners. It amazes me how all of us are fucking and don't know what the hell we are doing. I get so tired of the urban legend that men are responsible for a woman's orgasm... if she doesn't cum it's his fault. Ladies get out of the Stone Age please! Use a little common sense. If you are not vocal about what you like, where to touch, stroke, lick, tease... how is your partner supposed to know? Ah ha but the thing is, many women do not know themselves.

As much as we would like to think that we are pretty much liberated sexually the truth is most are fucking out of some type of form of rebellion. They still have a deep seated shame for indulging in pleasure. This is more common in women than men of course. But no matter how much they say they are not tied to the status quo of what society thinks... they do, depending on the audience. In this day and age, with how much time we spend on the internet, no one uses it to learn about the thing we probably do the most... have sex. Don't think I am complaining because I am not. I just would really like for people to take their blinders off and take some responsibility for their pleasure.

Men are guilty of it too. I get a lot of emails from guys wanting to know how to get their partners more aggressive sexually because they love it. The issue is simple- we don't talk about sex. If you just assumed forever that you were supposed to just take the lead in the bedroom, hell you think she going to step up? Not at all... she never has a freaking chance to be assertive.:-) Plain and simple, know what you like and be open and honest about it. You may have a fetish and your partner just might be into that- but you will never know if you don't make your desires known and at the same time heed to your partner's desires.

Be a part of the movement- lets get rid of these outdated, stereotypical, misogynistic, misandronistic views of sexuality. Pleasure is for everyone and their is nothing wrong with wanting to be pleased sexually.

Ok ok, I am off my soapbox. Feel free to leave comments and check out my sex talk radio show every Friday night at 11pm EST at www.blogtalkradio.com/thesensualcipher

Peace Passion & Pleasure

Earned- Not Given

Ok So as you see the whole month of September was non existent here at The Brilliant Cut- so I apologize in advance...BUT I'M BACK SO LET'S GET IT POPPIN'!

Now that I am done with my little disclaimer lets get to the premise of this blog which is one of my favorite topics to rant about- DATING. As much as I would like to dedicate this blog to the mere fact that people don't date anymore.... they just f*ck and say okay, we are a couple... I am not going to do that (at least not right now!) I really want to touch on the fact that when you are being pursued by someone in a romantic way, people think that you HAVE TO be nice to them. Now I am not talking about nice in the way of being cordial and civil, I mean nice as in doing what they ask you to do for them when they have not earned any rank yet! I find this to be most common among the "beautifully and handsomely fortunate". It comes off that because they are attractive they just think all they have to do is show up! Now this may be true in the case that you are being pursued but when the tables are turned, the ball is in the court of the person you are pursuing.

Plain and simple, if you ask someone to do something, don't look at it like they HAVE TO BECAUSE YOU ASKED THEM TO. If they say no, it is not the end of the world- step your game up, make yourself irreplaceable so that the person sees that you are worth it. Personally, if I am dealing with anyone and I don't see their worth, they are all for self and what they want and I don't ask them for anything yet they are constantly asking me to do things for them... I am rebelling. My attitude is simple- Who are you? Its hard but I know you guys will feel me on this. When it comes to the dating scene, all men are created equal. Time is a precious resource that I cannot get back so I will be damn if I waste it on frivolous request to appease someone's ego. NOT HAPPENING- especially when my ego isn't being stroked.

When you do something or adhere to requests such as for an example- not being loyal to faternity/sorority phamily or friends of the opposite sex, coming in at a certain hour when you are out with your friends etc., what you do is become a people pleaser. Now its one thing to please someone who goes hard for you because that is reciprocity. When someone comes in the gate and feels like how you deal with people, live your life is supposed to be compromised because now they have a interest in you "Houston, we have a problem".

The moral of this blog is simple. In life everything is earned, not given. It isn't about what the next person wants if you are being pursued, it is about what you are going to give them. Don't give anyone the power to coerce you into making them a priority, when you are still in deed an option.

-Game is for Those Who Listen ~book coming soon

Serial Monogamy

I have been in quite a few conversations about relationships and everyone for the most part thinks that if you are not monogamous, you are not in a relationship. How could you sleep with someone else and be in a relationship with another person? That's low down and triflin' right? The question was asked- "Could you be in a relationship with someone who was open in telling you that they would want to occasionally sleep with other people?" I would estimate about 98% said no, if they cannot only sleep with me, they don't love me or they are not ready to commit. In the words of the Diva Tina Turner- "What's love got to do with it?" Why must a person's love be limited to only one person as if love is a tangible thing like money or food? The more you give out, the less you have to give. Love is unlimited and has no boundaries so where do we get this theory of if you love them then you can't possibly love me?

I bring this up because I found it odd that people think that as long as you are in a "relationship"that gives the okay to have sex. If you aren't in a relationship and going from partner to partner then you are labeled a dog or a whore. My question is this- what do you label someone that goes from relationship to relationship and feels that the number of people they have slept with is justified since they were in a "relationship"? Aren't they no better from those who bounce from one person to the next without the "title"? If you want to keep it 1 hunnit (Paige Lingo) neither are able to commit. A person who jumps from relationship to relationship are just in a relationship to have companionship & get laid until the next best thing showing comes along. This is referred to as serial monogamy. Its hard but its fair.

I am not pro sharing BUT wouldn't you rather know that hey they may occasionally sleep with someone rather than people looking at you in the streets like "Damn, s/he are so clueless?" Not only that but so you could better protect yourself and it will definitely give you an incentive to stay on top of you and your partner's status when it comes down to STDs. Just because you have a title doesn't mean a person is committed to you. Commitment is defined as: The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons. That has nothing at all to do with sex. Commitment is way deeper than just the physical and people need to realize that. The physical is the icing on the cupcake but it is not what defines or defiles a relationship. A relationship should be defined by the common goal that each individual has and how by coming together they can each become better person.

If you have been bouncing from one relationship to the other and you have left the same person that you were when you entered it- gone 'head and take a "L" for that one. That was a waste of time. Now sit back and think about how many relationships you have bounced from and how many notches you have put under your belt? Learn how to look at things in its simplistic form rather than in exaggerated terms in life period other wise there will be a lot of "the pot calling the kettle black" going down!